The End. The Beginning.

It’s the end of a chapter for us. We know that I cannot have children naturally, literally a zero percent chance of that happening. That makes it easy. No more prayers and wishes that THIS is the month we get a positive. No more 28 day grieving cycle. No more ovulation tests and scheduled sex. No more. It’s the end of all that. While it’s still disappointing that we have to do this the hard way, it’s a relief to be moving on from what I had convinced myself was the only way. Now it’s the beginning.

66 signatures. 27 pages of consent forms. 4 hour appointment. 1 big fat check. This really is not how I thought babies were made. 

IVF or in vitro fertilization is next up in our baby adventure. We’ve been preparing for what seems like forever. This has been our strongest option for success since my first surgery. I wanted to get my hands on any and all information I could regarding infertility and IVF. There was never a lot of information regarding my specific condition but I didn’t need that as much as I needed the hope and guidance I gained in my searches. I found data, stories, and information everywhere; Google of course, message boards, our fertility clinic, and friends who conceived or tried to with reproductive assistance. I felt very confident and prepared going into our Program Start appointment, but was quickly overwhelmed. What happens if one of us dies? Do you pay quarterly or yearly for embryo storage? Can we use a gestational carrier if I am no longer able? Is the shot in the butt or belly? What if we don’t get pregnant? This was something as hard as I tried, I couldn’t totally be ready for. There were topics and emotions I wasn’t anticipating. Infertility has been anything but consistent and normal, why would I think this “resolution” to it would be any different?

Yesterday was a long day of questions, answers, and information overload. There were so many things I had never thought about. So many choices and decisions that needed to be made, those that we never would have had to make if conception had been easy. After the initial shock of everything we did eventually calm down and really process the decision we made. IVF. We will have an egg retrieval, then an embryo transfer, *patiently* wait for 2 weeks to see if it implants, and hopefully I’ll be delivering a healthy baby in 9ish months. Sounds simple enough. Fingers crossed. I told G that I actually thought that this turned out to be a great option for me as everything is planned out, scheduled, and organized. They even gave us a little calendar of our dates and appointments. Ideal for my mildly obsessive-compulsive personality. G just sat there, his thinking face on. He brought up the amount of money we just spent and how we have nothing to show for it but a pile of paperwork. I told him it’ll be worth it. This is a custom, one-of-a-kind order we’re working on, it’ll take some time to create and perfect….

Though we were slightly discouraged that we aren’t able to move forward until June, it’s the only real disappointment we had yesterday. We are on the right track. We are ready. It’s the beginning we’ve been waiting for.

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